About me..more than I would share if I though many people I knew would read this
10 years ago
I was 20, living on my own in an apartment building that looked like a boat, bought an expensive Bosnian rug, volunteered at the local children's hospital, skateboarded every monday with 2 boys from North Caorlina and wavo-davo, played my guitar and sang songs, worked as a cartographer, had a secret security clearance, rock climbed with Dave, enjoyed my belly dance classes, I was heavily religious, sang in my church choir. Then Dave stopped talking to me for a while, that hurt. I had a couple of girl firends that gleebed on to me and used me for money, rides and info or depressed me with their sad tales. Another one of my girl friends died in a car wreck. 2 girl friends that got unexpectedly pregnant and considered abortions, one chose adoption, the other miscarried. I got in trouble for putting a silver star (my rockin friend Ryan stole from a vegas hotel room door and gave to me) on the door of my apartment (made the other dwellers jealous) and for taking in a stray homeless skater boy who ended up begging my neighbors for liquor and turning my futon pillow blue with his beard. Got asked to leave because of him and moved in with roomates, one with the same name as me who wouldn't open the door unless you did the secret knock, the other Chinese. Quit cartography and became a sweets baker and attempted to go back to school, sleeping through physics every day. I also enjoyed an intense relationship with my future husband, where we fought insanely scary fights and intensely dramatic making up - I tried to teach him to skateboard...it didn't take, I did however get him hooked on snowboarding, he trained me in soccer. My precious little Norfolk pine died.
5 years ago
I was 25 - lived in Artspace in SLC loved that apartment more than any I've had before. I took private belly dance lessons from Andromeda, danced in the Zarandeo "gypsy fusion" belly dance troupe, taught my first official belly dance class in an import shop's back room, graduated with my associates from the local community college in Multimedia Arts. Enjoyed animation emensely, applied to and was denied, to CalArt's character animation program. 3 of my friends also applied to the same program and got in. I landed a job in a print shop, which I didn't take because I then moved to Logan. I was married to my husband who brought us to Logan so he could finish his bachelors in engineering - we had no luck for him with the SLC schools. I took a new job as a telephone person - hated it, hated Logan, got depressed, called my mom a lot, belly danced, fell in love with Nadia Gamal's dancing, taught myself one of her routines off a video. Didn't skate anymore, didn't play my guitar much and didn't rock climb either, snowboarded only rarely. Was getting accustomed to being really broke. Applied to Utah State to be in their illustration department which was on the verge of collapse.
1 year ago
I was 29 - recently moved to the DC metro area, spent 5 weeks in Germany to finish my BFA from Utah State with a painting emphasis. While in Germany, I let a Moroccan man kiss me. That sent my husband into a spiralling depression and me as well. We sought counselling, I found out I had no boundaries and was easily manipulated, my husband found out he had serious trust issues. I also realised how extraordinarily in love we were with each other and how messed up we each were. My husband wanted space, became more of a workaholic than usual. I sought forgiveness, tried to make myself busy, to keep from being a depressed burden on my husband. I started to seek out more belly dance gigs and worked a lot as a dancer. Our relationship slowly began to heal. I began to want to grow up, so I could take control of my life, before I lost what was the most precious thing to me there was: my husband.
yesterday
I was frustrated with my painting. I felt clumsy and akward and not sensitive. I was evaluating the previous day's visit from a dear friend, wishing I felt more natural around her and feeling like we didn't really have the good fulfilling talk we both probably needed, and noticing how difficult it was for me to finish my thought around her that day, but was glad to see her never-the-less. I was frustrated that I seem incapable of getting my own damn car fixed and spoke briefly with the car mechanic I was hoping would do it, who told me the engine I was looking to buy wasn't what he expected. I took two long hot showers to try and chill out. My brain felt like fudge that wanted to swell out of my skull. I took my bandages off my leg 2 days early because I was sick of them. (They were there because I had foam schlerotherapy done on my evil vericose veins). I talked my husband into coming home a little early so we could go to the gym together. While there we played in the indoor soccer room. Both my legs ached and hurt. But it felt good to kick the ball. We didn't talk much, both of us were distracted. He is thinking of going to Iraq to be a linguist and earn money for his PHD. He is also worried about getting a high enough GRE score to get into a good PHD program. He's not sure when or even if to get tested for a learning disability, because he has trouble with reading fast. I'm almost certain he's dislexic. He also isn't sure if and when to give notice at his current job, so he can go to Iraq. I am worried about applying to graduate schools, if I'll get recommendation letter, if I'll get accepted, and if not what will I do and what will I do anyway while my husband is in Iraq. I'm tired of feeling like I'm a burden to my husband. And I feel almost selfish trying to make art my carreer at his expense. I want desperately to be able to support him for a change. I'm tired of struggling to afford basic stuff. Like the money it will cost to fix my car. As we went to bed I wanted to make love to my husband, but he asked me not to ask since he had to study. While studying he fell asleep and dropped his book on his face with a loud thunk which made me laugh.
today
This morning I woke up with a new belly dance troupe choroegraphy going through my head. I read my scriptures and thought about the violent nature of mankind and why it's so hard for us to treat each other good and fairly and why we have to have rich and poor and social classes and discrimination. I later also read a news report on a similar topic. I took a shower. I walked to the post office to deliver a belly dance costume I sold. Back home I fixed myself zatar sanwiches, checked my email, then I read friends' blogs in hopes that I would feel less cut off from the world and less lonely. It helped a little and prompted me to do this little exercise one of my friends did on her blog.
5 songs I know all the words to
Trust in me - from Disney's Jungle BookIn a world of my own - from Disney's Alice in Wonderland
His Eye is on the Sparrow - As sung in Sister Act II
I'm a Child of God - Mormon Hymn
My two Little Hands - Mormon Primary Song
Jingle Bells
I Wont Cry Anymore - Aretha Franklin
okay that was more than five and there are a few more...
5 reality television shows I watch
I don't get a TV signal at my place, but if I did, I'm pretty sure I'd try to watch Extreme Home Makover, Trading Spaces (the BBC version), What Not to Wear (the BBC version), and the BBC's surprise gardening show although I can't remember the name of it now, and maybe that BBC one where people change jobs. I enjoyed these BBC shows when I used to have TV and saw the Extreme one at my Mom's and liked it.
5 television shows I watch daily
Well since I don't get a signal, I do rent netflix and even though I can't say "daily" on a strict basis, I have been working my way through the entire series of "Homocide:Life on the Streets", I own "Charmed" up through season 5, I also have gotton all that's available so far of "the Office" both BBC & American versions, and "Monk".
5 things I would do with $1000,000,000
pay mine and my husband's debts
get my husband his PHD
buy myself a house with a dance studio and an art studio and a kickin' kitchen
get myself an income somehow
pay tithing & a fast offering to my church
5 locations I would love to run away to...
Berlin, Germany
Most any city in Switzerland
San Fransisco, CA
Bali, Indonesia
Zion National Park, UT
5 things I like doing...
rockclimbing - particularly when I have about 200 feet of exposure and can just look out over the world like I'm hanging in the air
playing a good pick up game of soccer with people that know how to play and have fun
snowboarding - especially on a good powder day when you can just float down the mountain, fly off a cliff or a cat track and just flip over mid-air and land with softness and speed - aaah!
belly dancing - when you are with a full band of live musicians who kick ass, and an audience of friends, belly dance and music lovers, and the energy is high, and you can let your whole soul go.
having those beautiful peaceful satisfying moments when surrounded by people I love and enjoy
making love to my husband and holding him close afterwards
okay that's six...but why only 5?
5 things I would never wear...
There is no piece of clothing in existence that I can say I would "never" wear, as I wouldn't put it past me to wear any given thing if I feel the moment is appropriate. But I am however extremely unlikely to wear any piece of clothing that would cost more than a new car, particularly if that piece of clothing is uncomfortable diamond studded lingerie. I'm also unlikely to wear a really trashy halloween costume, particularly if it's made of plastic and/or comes with a tiara and feather boa. And I'm unlikely to wear "units" knit coordinates that were popular in the 1980s, even as a tacky joke outfit, because they are just so extraordinarily ugly and unflattering. I'm also unlikely to wear a Stongbad-like wrestling mask, since they make me claustrophobic. And finally I'm unlikely to wear a brand new full length mink coat, because I think I'd feel too guilty about those poor little minks.
I was 20, living on my own in an apartment building that looked like a boat, bought an expensive Bosnian rug, volunteered at the local children's hospital, skateboarded every monday with 2 boys from North Caorlina and wavo-davo, played my guitar and sang songs, worked as a cartographer, had a secret security clearance, rock climbed with Dave, enjoyed my belly dance classes, I was heavily religious, sang in my church choir. Then Dave stopped talking to me for a while, that hurt. I had a couple of girl firends that gleebed on to me and used me for money, rides and info or depressed me with their sad tales. Another one of my girl friends died in a car wreck. 2 girl friends that got unexpectedly pregnant and considered abortions, one chose adoption, the other miscarried. I got in trouble for putting a silver star (my rockin friend Ryan stole from a vegas hotel room door and gave to me) on the door of my apartment (made the other dwellers jealous) and for taking in a stray homeless skater boy who ended up begging my neighbors for liquor and turning my futon pillow blue with his beard. Got asked to leave because of him and moved in with roomates, one with the same name as me who wouldn't open the door unless you did the secret knock, the other Chinese. Quit cartography and became a sweets baker and attempted to go back to school, sleeping through physics every day. I also enjoyed an intense relationship with my future husband, where we fought insanely scary fights and intensely dramatic making up - I tried to teach him to skateboard...it didn't take, I did however get him hooked on snowboarding, he trained me in soccer. My precious little Norfolk pine died.
5 years ago
I was 25 - lived in Artspace in SLC loved that apartment more than any I've had before. I took private belly dance lessons from Andromeda, danced in the Zarandeo "gypsy fusion" belly dance troupe, taught my first official belly dance class in an import shop's back room, graduated with my associates from the local community college in Multimedia Arts. Enjoyed animation emensely, applied to and was denied, to CalArt's character animation program. 3 of my friends also applied to the same program and got in. I landed a job in a print shop, which I didn't take because I then moved to Logan. I was married to my husband who brought us to Logan so he could finish his bachelors in engineering - we had no luck for him with the SLC schools. I took a new job as a telephone person - hated it, hated Logan, got depressed, called my mom a lot, belly danced, fell in love with Nadia Gamal's dancing, taught myself one of her routines off a video. Didn't skate anymore, didn't play my guitar much and didn't rock climb either, snowboarded only rarely. Was getting accustomed to being really broke. Applied to Utah State to be in their illustration department which was on the verge of collapse.
1 year ago
I was 29 - recently moved to the DC metro area, spent 5 weeks in Germany to finish my BFA from Utah State with a painting emphasis. While in Germany, I let a Moroccan man kiss me. That sent my husband into a spiralling depression and me as well. We sought counselling, I found out I had no boundaries and was easily manipulated, my husband found out he had serious trust issues. I also realised how extraordinarily in love we were with each other and how messed up we each were. My husband wanted space, became more of a workaholic than usual. I sought forgiveness, tried to make myself busy, to keep from being a depressed burden on my husband. I started to seek out more belly dance gigs and worked a lot as a dancer. Our relationship slowly began to heal. I began to want to grow up, so I could take control of my life, before I lost what was the most precious thing to me there was: my husband.
yesterday
I was frustrated with my painting. I felt clumsy and akward and not sensitive. I was evaluating the previous day's visit from a dear friend, wishing I felt more natural around her and feeling like we didn't really have the good fulfilling talk we both probably needed, and noticing how difficult it was for me to finish my thought around her that day, but was glad to see her never-the-less. I was frustrated that I seem incapable of getting my own damn car fixed and spoke briefly with the car mechanic I was hoping would do it, who told me the engine I was looking to buy wasn't what he expected. I took two long hot showers to try and chill out. My brain felt like fudge that wanted to swell out of my skull. I took my bandages off my leg 2 days early because I was sick of them. (They were there because I had foam schlerotherapy done on my evil vericose veins). I talked my husband into coming home a little early so we could go to the gym together. While there we played in the indoor soccer room. Both my legs ached and hurt. But it felt good to kick the ball. We didn't talk much, both of us were distracted. He is thinking of going to Iraq to be a linguist and earn money for his PHD. He is also worried about getting a high enough GRE score to get into a good PHD program. He's not sure when or even if to get tested for a learning disability, because he has trouble with reading fast. I'm almost certain he's dislexic. He also isn't sure if and when to give notice at his current job, so he can go to Iraq. I am worried about applying to graduate schools, if I'll get recommendation letter, if I'll get accepted, and if not what will I do and what will I do anyway while my husband is in Iraq. I'm tired of feeling like I'm a burden to my husband. And I feel almost selfish trying to make art my carreer at his expense. I want desperately to be able to support him for a change. I'm tired of struggling to afford basic stuff. Like the money it will cost to fix my car. As we went to bed I wanted to make love to my husband, but he asked me not to ask since he had to study. While studying he fell asleep and dropped his book on his face with a loud thunk which made me laugh.
today
This morning I woke up with a new belly dance troupe choroegraphy going through my head. I read my scriptures and thought about the violent nature of mankind and why it's so hard for us to treat each other good and fairly and why we have to have rich and poor and social classes and discrimination. I later also read a news report on a similar topic. I took a shower. I walked to the post office to deliver a belly dance costume I sold. Back home I fixed myself zatar sanwiches, checked my email, then I read friends' blogs in hopes that I would feel less cut off from the world and less lonely. It helped a little and prompted me to do this little exercise one of my friends did on her blog.
5 songs I know all the words to
Trust in me - from Disney's Jungle BookIn a world of my own - from Disney's Alice in Wonderland
His Eye is on the Sparrow - As sung in Sister Act II
I'm a Child of God - Mormon Hymn
My two Little Hands - Mormon Primary Song
Jingle Bells
I Wont Cry Anymore - Aretha Franklin
okay that was more than five and there are a few more...
5 reality television shows I watch
I don't get a TV signal at my place, but if I did, I'm pretty sure I'd try to watch Extreme Home Makover, Trading Spaces (the BBC version), What Not to Wear (the BBC version), and the BBC's surprise gardening show although I can't remember the name of it now, and maybe that BBC one where people change jobs. I enjoyed these BBC shows when I used to have TV and saw the Extreme one at my Mom's and liked it.
5 television shows I watch daily
Well since I don't get a signal, I do rent netflix and even though I can't say "daily" on a strict basis, I have been working my way through the entire series of "Homocide:Life on the Streets", I own "Charmed" up through season 5, I also have gotton all that's available so far of "the Office" both BBC & American versions, and "Monk".
5 things I would do with $1000,000,000
pay mine and my husband's debts
get my husband his PHD
buy myself a house with a dance studio and an art studio and a kickin' kitchen
get myself an income somehow
pay tithing & a fast offering to my church
5 locations I would love to run away to...
Berlin, Germany
Most any city in Switzerland
San Fransisco, CA
Bali, Indonesia
Zion National Park, UT
5 things I like doing...
rockclimbing - particularly when I have about 200 feet of exposure and can just look out over the world like I'm hanging in the air
playing a good pick up game of soccer with people that know how to play and have fun
snowboarding - especially on a good powder day when you can just float down the mountain, fly off a cliff or a cat track and just flip over mid-air and land with softness and speed - aaah!
belly dancing - when you are with a full band of live musicians who kick ass, and an audience of friends, belly dance and music lovers, and the energy is high, and you can let your whole soul go.
having those beautiful peaceful satisfying moments when surrounded by people I love and enjoy
making love to my husband and holding him close afterwards
okay that's six...but why only 5?
5 things I would never wear...
There is no piece of clothing in existence that I can say I would "never" wear, as I wouldn't put it past me to wear any given thing if I feel the moment is appropriate. But I am however extremely unlikely to wear any piece of clothing that would cost more than a new car, particularly if that piece of clothing is uncomfortable diamond studded lingerie. I'm also unlikely to wear a really trashy halloween costume, particularly if it's made of plastic and/or comes with a tiara and feather boa. And I'm unlikely to wear "units" knit coordinates that were popular in the 1980s, even as a tacky joke outfit, because they are just so extraordinarily ugly and unflattering. I'm also unlikely to wear a Stongbad-like wrestling mask, since they make me claustrophobic. And finally I'm unlikely to wear a brand new full length mink coat, because I think I'd feel too guilty about those poor little minks.
posted by She-burtsy at 10:47 AM
1 Comments:
I know what you mean about the not getting a deep conversation in, babe -- I felt the same way. But I think it's been so long since we've hung out that we had superficial catching up to do, too - plus I'd never seen your swell pad. :) This is part of why I write letters - it helps get the fluff out of the way and get to the meat of things, you know?
Mega love,
lucy
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